To Wayne

Hello.

Well, admittedly, I don’t know why EXACTLY you are so… well, so miserable, so pissed, so angry etc., because I’m not in SOTA, so… *shrugs* But still…

I’m sorry I can’t understand perfectly why you think nobody really cares about you, because I’m unable to know what’s happening in SOTA; and I am sorry that you think nobody really cares about you, nobody really understands you, and nobody is really your friend, because quite frankly I certainly do care about you, and hopefully you do understand that I actually hope that you think me a friend… As for understanding you, everyone hopes to have someone who understands him totally, and apparently I’m not an exception… but the point is, we all have to just… learn to reconcile with the reality that nobody, except God, really understands someone else. And, mayhap you think that God does not seem to understand you, understand your needs, either, but… well, not meaning to intrude on your life, but perhaps you can spend more time talking to Him, etc.?

Sorry if I’m being a hopeless busybody, really, but I really do care. Wayne… I think that we all go through a period in our lives where we really, really wish for someone to understand us. At least, I did. Truthfully it wasn’t even distantly PLEASANT, but it passed after some time. If you could find an outlet for your emotions, it’d apparently be much easier, but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop your f-wording. (: It’s… distracting. LOL.

And don’t be depressed, really. As you can see from the tags on your tagboard, at least there are 3 people who care… and speaking about LiRen, *cough cough*, are you still… never mind. Anyway, you don’t always need to fit in. Everyone is truly special, truly unique, as God created them, and thus if you find you don’t fit in, just be yourself and don’t. Those who love you and care about you truly won’t want you, need you to fit in. It’s not always necessary to be like everyone else, and sometimes it’s even good, because it just shows that you’re different. If you find you can’t fit in… I don’t know how to phrase it, but think of it this way: it isn’t that you are not as good as the others, you may simply be DIFFERENT, or in some ways you may be better than them. XD

*chokes and coughs violently* Do you seriously think that if you be yourself, nobody will be your friend? It… isn’t quite fair, is it? Be yourself. Really. Just be yourself, and those who don’t befriend you anymore are hardly worth being called friends. I assure you, if you be yourself in front of me, I will not stop being your friend. WAYNE. It’s not quite fair to say that you know… XD

Well, I wish I could help. I don’t suppose I can, but if it matters at all, I’ll be praying for you, and if you ever need someone to talk to I’m always there, okay? Not physically, maybe… because sorry sorry sorry I’m not in SOTA. T.T But still. SMS. Email. SOMETHING. I’ll reply.

Okay… Just be yourself, don’t try to be someone else because that “someone else” would never be you… and if you ever say that if you be yourself you won’t have anymore friends I shall personally bash you up. XD

VONNE

P.S. Stop being so miserable… Or else I shall think that my friendship means nothing to you. LOL. XD

A Walking Contradiction

I suppose that’s what I am. A perfect walking contradiction.

I’m sorry! I don’t mean to second guess and contradict everything I say, everything I do… It just – comes. I don’t suppose it’s nice at all, to say “HEY I’m so happy that I got A1 for SCIENCE!” (I didn’t in truth, by the way – it was an example) and then go “Lol… actually I’m not.” But I just do. I don’t know why. Fine, I do. (SEE! I contradict myself again! Of course, this is not edited, but still…) I know why. I’m just… contradictory. Naturally contradictory (and that is contradicting too). I’m sorry!

I don’t suppose… that it makes any difference whether I am or not though. But I am. I’m really sorry. (I’m really sorry, and so am I really glad about it too… T.T) I just can’t stop. I just can’t stop contradicting myself. Of course you don’t see that in my formal writing, it was THOUGHT OUT and then EDITED and then FILTERED. The original piece of work… would be totally “Yes, I do” followed up with “No I don’t.” I’m sorry!

I don’t mean to be like that. I’m sorry. I never meant to be contradicting and second-guessing myself all the time… I never did. But I am. Sorry.

(I told you, I have NO IDEA COMPLETELY about why I’m writing this and saying I’m sorry over and over again. It just felt right. Sorry that my rational mind argues all the time, then. 杨严尘好惨哦…)

VONNE

P.S. I love all of you. I really do. (:

P.P.S. It was completely impulsive of me, really, although I do mean it. I don’t know WHY, though, I have to continuously do this…

P.P.P.S. Just to illustrate the seriousness of the problem, I actually DO know why.

T.T

P.P.P.P.S. Please don’t think I’m crapping away – I may be, of course, but apparently I meant to mean something in this post – There is really something I want to say.

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And I forget

I think… that self-deprecating isn’t all that bad. After all… Well, I mean – I do deserve all those things I say I am. LOL. Anyway… whatever. I am a lazy prig. And of course I am stupid – that goes without saying. Others… never mind them for now. [: I suppose. GAH! I am feel irritated. But I shouldn’t, really… I shouldn’t feel irritated. Contrary to what Wayne says, no this is NOT an essay… it’s not long. And is filled with typos and everything… grammar errors, spelling errors, vocab errors, so on… I am SO sian. >.< Hmm… I wonder what I should do now. -.- Actually I’m sure I know what I should do. As for what I am going to do, however, is a completely different matter. I am lazy lalalalalala…. yeah. That’s the POINT. That’s the PROBLEM. And too bad there’s no solution. *shrugs* At least for now. [: Fineeee… I shall go and complete the biology worksheet. I don’t like science… or math… although – well, I can understand why people like them, I suppose. [: GAH. I just don’t.

vonne

My Heart Will Go On

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