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SORRY

I don’t know why I’m sorry, but I’m very sorry now. Well, better to be sorry than to be proud, I guess. Thus…

Sorry. I’m really sorry. I’m really very sorry. >< Sorry.

I don’t know why I’m sorry, but I’m very sorry now. Sorry. I’m really sorry.

Maybe it’s just a form of apologizing before you even do something wrong… because you know sooner or later you’ll do something wrong. Such as? Well, I shall be honest and say that I think I’ll fail every single subject in EOYs. XD Happy? Yeah.

Sorry.

I’m sorry.

Seriously sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

vonne

P.S. I’m really sorry.

Feeling…

Feeling…

Suppose I shouldn’t say what I’m feeling right now. It doesn’t seem to be quite… Never mind. I suppose I should stop talking altogether since I don’t even complete my sentences.

Okay now. What have I done? I’ve gone and probably offended Wayne for no particular reason. Yes. Well, SORRY that he’s infiltrated my blog posts?! I don’t suppose… oh well, maybe it IS my fault. For all I know, it is my fault I’m so aggravated now. Lovely. And because I tend to get terribly sarcastic and the like when I’m aggravated, I think I should stop posting. I may end up offending lots and lots of people I never dreamed of offending. Such as? Wayne.

For goodness’ sake, I don’t know what made me tag so freakishly at his blog. It sounded totally like a freak who decided that it would be interesting to invade some human’s blog and went on to tag very very inappropriate stuff. Let’s just say that my tongue is one of the nicest things about me, because I don’t talk. Or maybe it’s not. Both my tongue and my hands (and thus my brain too) are equally sarcastic when I feel like it. SORRY?!

Wayne. Wayne. Wayne. For goodness’ sake can’t you just simply ACCEPT the fact that – Oh yes. I’m going to snap at someone again. That’s not nice. Thus I don’t know why I still persist on doing that. I should stop talking. I should stop posting. It’s just that whatever I’m feeling right now (sorry, not going to disclose what I am feeling right now) is making me unable to stop typing.

I must love EOYs.

I must love mugging.

Perfect! Now I’m in the same predicament as Wayne. I feel like CRYING. Good gracious. CRYING. Like… excuse me? What in the EARTH are you crying FOR?! Thus I conclude that I’m a freak. I’m really freakish right now. FREAK.

I don’t like this… Zzz… Maybe I should go and sleep… I have a feeling that I’ll be more or less dead by the time EOYs end.

怎么这么糟蹋自己的身子？… 怎么这么不照顾自己，你是嫌死得不够早么？… 难道你就这么过下去？身子骨本来就不好，还不肯服药？… 你何苦这么折磨自己？这么折腾下去，是个人也挺不过去啊！

Uh, no. Nobody said that to me. None of them. I’m just finding out why writers love their characters to so-called “糟蹋” themselves. >< I’m not succeeding. But I AM quite sure that writers love their characters to do that. At least, I do, and I’ve seen many authors who do. It is… quite refreshing actually. Writers are all sadistic creatures. I mean, since we can’t really torture any of those people who are living and EXISTING in the real world, and none of us are so emotionless and cold that we don’t care when people are suffering, why not just let those people – those characters – who don’t MATTER, why not just let them suffer? 笔下的人物越痛苦，作者越爽快，越痛快！XD But seriously, there is something indefinable (undefinable? Sorry, I just don’t bother to check it up… let’s just use: that cannot be defined) in the suffering, the predicaments, the SHEER TORMENT of the characters that… just are so nice to read. Why? Someone (I forgot who) said that because humans need to suffer. Then blah blah blah. I’m sick of explaining. Sorry.

Well… I’m better now. See you! Wayne, if you are somehow reading this… SORRY. Really.

vonne

To Wayne

Hello.

Well, admittedly, I don’t know why EXACTLY you are so… well, so miserable, so pissed, so angry etc., because I’m not in SOTA, so… *shrugs* But still…

I’m sorry I can’t understand perfectly why you think nobody really cares about you, because I’m unable to know what’s happening in SOTA; and I am sorry that you think nobody really cares about you, nobody really understands you, and nobody is really your friend, because quite frankly I certainly do care about you, and hopefully you do understand that I actually hope that you think me a friend… As for understanding you, everyone hopes to have someone who understands him totally, and apparently I’m not an exception… but the point is, we all have to just… learn to reconcile with the reality that nobody, except God, really understands someone else. And, mayhap you think that God does not seem to understand you, understand your needs, either, but… well, not meaning to intrude on your life, but perhaps you can spend more time talking to Him, etc.?

Sorry if I’m being a hopeless busybody, really, but I really do care. Wayne… I think that we all go through a period in our lives where we really, really wish for someone to understand us. At least, I did. Truthfully it wasn’t even distantly PLEASANT, but it passed after some time. If you could find an outlet for your emotions, it’d apparently be much easier, but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE stop your f-wording. (: It’s… distracting. LOL.

And don’t be depressed, really. As you can see from the tags on your tagboard, at least there are 3 people who care… and speaking about LiRen, *cough cough*, are you still… never mind. Anyway, you don’t always need to fit in. Everyone is truly special, truly unique, as God created them, and thus if you find you don’t fit in, just be yourself and don’t. Those who love you and care about you truly won’t want you, need you to fit in. It’s not always necessary to be like everyone else, and sometimes it’s even good, because it just shows that you’re different. If you find you can’t fit in… I don’t know how to phrase it, but think of it this way: it isn’t that you are not as good as the others, you may simply be DIFFERENT, or in some ways you may be better than them. XD

*chokes and coughs violently* Do you seriously think that if you be yourself, nobody will be your friend? It… isn’t quite fair, is it? Be yourself. Really. Just be yourself, and those who don’t befriend you anymore are hardly worth being called friends. I assure you, if you be yourself in front of me, I will not stop being your friend. WAYNE. It’s not quite fair to say that you know… XD

Well, I wish I could help. I don’t suppose I can, but if it matters at all, I’ll be praying for you, and if you ever need someone to talk to I’m always there, okay? Not physically, maybe… because sorry sorry sorry I’m not in SOTA. T.T But still. SMS. Email. SOMETHING. I’ll reply.

Okay… Just be yourself, don’t try to be someone else because that “someone else” would never be you… and if you ever say that if you be yourself you won’t have anymore friends I shall personally bash you up. XD

VONNE

P.S. Stop being so miserable… Or else I shall think that my friendship means nothing to you. LOL. XD

A Walking Contradiction

I suppose that’s what I am. A perfect walking contradiction.

I’m sorry! I don’t mean to second guess and contradict everything I say, everything I do… It just – comes. I don’t suppose it’s nice at all, to say “HEY I’m so happy that I got A1 for SCIENCE!” (I didn’t in truth, by the way – it was an example) and then go “Lol… actually I’m not.” But I just do. I don’t know why. Fine, I do. (SEE! I contradict myself again! Of course, this is not edited, but still…) I know why. I’m just… contradictory. Naturally contradictory (and that is contradicting too). I’m sorry!

I don’t suppose… that it makes any difference whether I am or not though. But I am. I’m really sorry. (I’m really sorry, and so am I really glad about it too… T.T) I just can’t stop. I just can’t stop contradicting myself. Of course you don’t see that in my formal writing, it was THOUGHT OUT and then EDITED and then FILTERED. The original piece of work… would be totally “Yes, I do” followed up with “No I don’t.” I’m sorry!

I don’t mean to be like that. I’m sorry. I never meant to be contradicting and second-guessing myself all the time… I never did. But I am. Sorry.

(I told you, I have NO IDEA COMPLETELY about why I’m writing this and saying I’m sorry over and over again. It just felt right. Sorry that my rational mind argues all the time, then. 杨严尘好惨哦…)

VONNE

P.S. I love all of you. I really do. (:

P.P.S. It was completely impulsive of me, really, although I do mean it. I don’t know WHY, though, I have to continuously do this…

P.P.P.S. Just to illustrate the seriousness of the problem, I actually DO know why.

T.T

P.P.P.P.S. Please don’t think I’m crapping away – I may be, of course, but apparently I meant to mean something in this post – There is really something I want to say.

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Protected: I am feeling WEIRD

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Protected: Valentine Letter (JOKE – not funny, but *shrugs*)

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Protected: I still don’t know

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And I forget

I think… that self-deprecating isn’t all that bad. After all… Well, I mean – I do deserve all those things I say I am. LOL. Anyway… whatever. I am a lazy prig. And of course I am stupid – that goes without saying. Others… never mind them for now. [: I suppose. GAH! I am feel irritated. But I shouldn’t, really… I shouldn’t feel irritated. Contrary to what Wayne says, no this is NOT an essay… it’s not long. And is filled with typos and everything… grammar errors, spelling errors, vocab errors, so on… I am SO sian. >.< Hmm… I wonder what I should do now. -.- Actually I’m sure I know what I should do. As for what I am going to do, however, is a completely different matter. I am lazy lalalalalala…. yeah. That’s the POINT. That’s the PROBLEM. And too bad there’s no solution. *shrugs* At least for now. [: Fineeee… I shall go and complete the biology worksheet. I don’t like science… or math… although – well, I can understand why people like them, I suppose. [: GAH. I just don’t.

vonne